Rebuilding Brendan Birch
by Galbinus-Rayquaza
Summary: Brendan Birch, thoroughly fed up with the crap that is being said about him nowadays in FFnet, requested an essay rebuilding his image correctly. This is what he received.


**A/N:  
After thinking things over, I've decided to take in Canada Cowboy's review and rewrite this essay as something that could actually pass for a fanfic, because, like he pointed out, some idiot might come over and start reporting this.**

**Note that part of the essay has a little POV, but for the majority, it is solid fact that may have been analyzed. And there's some minor Brendan-hater-bashing. **

**If you're just here to read the essay, though, skip ahead until you see words in bold reading "Rebuilding Brendan Birch." Or, simply, skipped the italicized words.**

**But on with the story! Enjoy, and please leave a review.**

_Brendan Birch, after rearranging his emerald backpack for the third time, slung it with effortless ease across the back of his wooden chair. He had just returned from a long day of field work, and had managed to add another three species of Pokemon to his seasoned National Pokedex, one of his most prized possessions._

_He took off his white-cloth hat, dusting its bottle-green headband and chuckling at the mistaken impression it could give someone that he had white hair… which he did not. Shrugging slightly, he tossed his hat onto his bed and ruffled his jet black hair. Then, deciding that he might as well give himself a little break from the strenuous work his father delegated upon him, Brendan Birch booted up his personal computer and opened up the Internet Explorer._

_His fingers froze when he clicked on the address bar. _Where should I go today?_ He mused silently. _Pokemonloversunited? Nope, nothing to do there. PokeScience? Nah… _Deciding that he might as well try the website Ruby Maple, his other dimensional counterpart, had suggested the previous day, he typed in, "Fanfiction", and then added a through the sundry varieties of fanfics, he came upon a section underneath "Games" that amused him. Pokemon. He knew that his computer was capable of other-dimensional contact, but this was perhaps a little too funny._

_Half-expecting too see dozens of fics centered around him—he knew that he was protagonist in the R/S/E Pokemon games—Brendan Birch was very surprised to see that most fics including him told of a 'white-haired stalker'._

What in the name of Latios?_ Brendan thought to himself as he continued reading, his jaw dropping lower with every word. This was… this was… disgusting!_ Since when did I ever stalk May?_ He wanted to know, gloved hands shaking with suppressed anger._ And goddamn it people, my hair isn't white, it's a freaking hat! 

_Deciding that he had to do something about his hideous image on this delusional website, he began looking desperately for Hoennshipping stories under the impression that he would find an author with whom he could actually understand. Brendan's heart nearly leapt out of his throat (figuratively, of course) when he saw that well over three-quarters of the stories were one-sided Hoennshipping—not that he really liked May, or anything, (though she _was_ pretty cute) he hardly got the chance to contact her since that stupid Ash boy butted in the anime dimension—and they bashed him to the core!_

What did I do wrong?_ He shrieked mentally, pounding his fist into his wooden desk. Out of hopelessness, he clicked on a Contestshipping vs Hoennshipping story, hoping that this time it would not be one-sided. Thankfully, Arceus had decided to go nice on him, and he found himself reading a love triangle instead of sappy Drew and May love and angst-y one-sided Hoennshipping._

_But, being Brendan, he was unable to stand the amount of fluff. Where were his Pokemon?! Were they even in this story? Somewhat disheartened, he decided to send a PM to Galbinus-Rayquaza, the author of the story. He got a reply back almost immediately. It read:_

"_Uh… are you trying to say that you're Brendan Birch?"_

_Deciding that his chances of convincing someone from an ignorant dimension that he was, indeed, Brendan Birch, he simply put:_

"_Nah, I was pulling your leg… er… Anyways, I read the first chapter of one of your Hoennshipping Vs Contestshipping stories, and I was curious as to why you didn't think he was a white-haired stalker?"_

_In reply, he received:_

"_Well, because there's absolutely no evidence for it, gosh darn! But why do you care?"_

_He wrote back:_

"_Because… er… I do. I was thinking that perhaps you could write an essay or something telling people what Brendan should be?"_

_Galbinus-Rayquaza wrote back:_

"_Why don't you write it yourself? 0o"_

_Brendan replied:_

"_It's against the inter-dimensional law for me to directly interfere with the workings of another dimension. But please, could you?"_

_After an hour long delay, Galbinus-Rayquaza wrote:_

"_Eh, sure. In fact, I wrote it already… why don't you check it out? It's under 'Stories Authored' in my profile."_

_Practically hopping with excitement, Brendan clicked on 'Rebuilding Brendan Birch'—a fine name, he thought to himself—and began reading. This is what the essay-story-fic contained:_

**REBUILDING BRENDAN BIRCH**

Okay, this isn't really a fanfic, but I felt the need to address Brendan Birch's image on Fanfiction. He's been completely demolished—and why? That I can't really answer, since it is an irrational bias that does not really have its roots in anywhere.

Apparently people nowadays consider poor Brendan here to be some sort of maniacal jerk running around the place, and he's oftentimes the 'evil one' in a lot of stories. I would think this were okay had it not been the fact that Brendan, _has not done anything that qualifies him as evil_. Heck, he _can't do anything_ that makes him bad—he's not even in the friggin' anime! What he does in the games isn't evil, either, and Ruby from the Pokemon Special Manga is quite the opposite of 'villainous'.

In fact, reading through some of the fanfics that have Brendan in it (even if he's not the main character or one of the semi-main characters), I've discovered at one in every three (approximately) reviews that mention Brendan, it is often 'I hate Brendan!' or something along those lines.

Why. I ask you now, Brendan-haters. Why.

Is it because of the image has built, or do you know someone from real life named 'Brendan Birch' who is a complete ass? I do not think so, but now I suspect that someone is going to review (most likely anonymously) and say: _I hate Brendan Birch and I hate you for not thinking he is completely ebill!!eleven!!_

In any case, mark my words. And here we begin rebuilding Brendan Birch's image on Fanfiction, first assessing his brief anime appearance, then attacking his R/S/E game image, and then finally dissecting Ruby's personalities and actions from the Pokemon Special Manga, but before that, let's clear up his actual physical appearance. Here we go!

**PART ZERO. BRENDAN'S PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.**

Contrary to popular belief, Brendan actually **does not have white/silver hair.** In fact, he actually (gasp) **has black hair **(and while we're on the topic of Brendan's hair, it is rather well-kept and is in a somewhat V-shaped position above his forehead(bad description ): )—according to the Pokemon Special Manga at least). However, he is often mistook to have white hair, as at first glance his sprite really does make it look like he has white hair and is wearing a black-red/blue/green headband. If you choose Brendan as a Trainer, though, in any of the R/S/E games, you will notice that he has a black sideburn on his right side of his face somewhere in front of his ears. It is slim but still there, and proves that he does have black hair.

As for the white/silver hair part, that is actually a sort of cloth-hat that he wears (I do not know the formal terming for it but if anyone does please state so in a review or a PM to me). His headband marks the end of the cloth-hat, which is actually sort of like Dawn's cloth-hat-thingy, except with a headband that highlights his sporty ness.

He appears to be of average/above-average height and average/below average weight—in the games he is not remarkably fat or over-weight looking, and in fact looks rather skinny. During his brief cameo in the Jirachi movie, he is slightly bent over, but if he straightens up, he most likely matches height with his Swampert, making him of average/above-average height, since Swampert's (according to the Pokedex) are just a little taller than your Trainer character (and Brendan is selectable as a player in R/S/E.)

He wears (in the Jirachi cameo and in Ruby and Sapphire) a long-sleeved black jacket that can be collared tan with a gem-like button in the center or left un-collared with a red, semicircular print (perhaps to reflect a Pokeball pattern) on his chest and a zipper running through the center of his jacket. Under the aforementioned red print, on opposite sides of his zipper he has long rectangular red prints. The tips of his sleeves can be decorated with tan cuffs like his collar if he has one, or they can be left un-cuffed in the case that his jacket is un-collared.

Brendan also dons long black pants that can be cuffed tan or left un-cuffed (from the Ruby and Sapphire games). He also has a white-clothed hat, with a black headband with a red/blue Pokeball print in the dead center that gives unobservant people the mistaken impression that Brendan is an albino. His backpack is that of a dandelion single-strapped pack that he keeps slung across his torso from his right shoulder to his left waist, and he holds his Pokeballs in a tan/dandelion belt across his waist.

However, in Emerald, Brendan is given somewhat of a 'makeover', as is the female heroine (or May). His headbanded white-cloth hat adopts a jade-colored Pokeball print in place of the red/blue ones, and although his jacket's red prints are kept, his jacket is now a short-sleeved vest. His backpack is also changed to an emerald color, as is his Pokeballs' belt. Brendan's pants are also a tad different—they are still black, but a little shorter (between his knee and ankle, to be precise), and under that he wears socks that are a medium shade of gray and that go under his black pants.

He also wears sneakers in all cases that I don't feel like describing after describing all of that. Heck, just go check on some website or Google/Yahoo 'Brendan Birch Pokemon'.

**PART ONE. BRENDAN IN THE ANIME.**

Brendan has had two, approximately 5-second cameos in the Jirachi movie and the Manaphy movie. This will be a relatively short section, as, quite frankly, the cameos are short. :/

The cameos, for all of you who did not see them, can be seen on Serebii dot net's movie pictures. Or you could go searching through Youtube for the actual thing, I've lost the link and I don't think is going to appreciate it if I do post it if I do find it.

Anyways. The Jirachi cameo features Brendan fighting what appears to be an Aroma Lady and her Solrock and Manectric. Brendan sends out an Aggron from a luxury ball and a Shiftry from an apparent Net Ball (although it is questionable why he would capture a Seedot in a Net Ball… but I digress). Brendan's Aggron then uses an 'Ice Beam', freezing the Aroma Lady's Solrock, which means that Brendan must have (at least anime-version-wise) undergone much Training to teach Ice Beam to his Aggron—heck, Ash teaching his Snorunt/Swellow Ice Beam/Aerial Ace took so many episodes, and those moves were STAB-ed, too, Brendan must have lavished lots of effort into teaching his Aggron 'Ice Beam'.

The Manaphy cameo itself is showing a really short battle scene between Brendan's Swampert (yes he has a Swampert, and that is the only Pokemon we know for sure that he has, anime-wise) and the Metagross-owning gal from Destiny Deoxys's Tyranitar. It is in the Battle Tower in La Rousse City, (which is an island-city in Hoenn), since we last saw it in the Destiny Deoxys movie when Ash fought against two other Trainers. Both Trainers and Pokemon are evenly matched (no one is definitely losing at least), which, coupled with the whole 'Ice Beam' incident above, goes to show that **Brendan is an above-average, if not very good, Pokemon Trainer, and he spends a lot of time and effort on his Pokemon**.

That sums up the anime section.

**PART TWO. BRENDAN IN THE GAMES.**

If you choose Brendan as your starting Trainer, his actions are pretty much what you choose to make him do. Therefore, we are going to attack his personality through the choosing of the female heroine (May), since this is where we can see the actual Brendan Birch in his 'natural state'.

Brendan Birch is Professor Birch's son, of course, and has helped out his father numerous times on fieldwork/research. Professor Birch remarks after you defeat Brendan the first time that Brendan 'already has an extensive history as a Trainer', **making him more experienced, Pokemon-wise, than May. **This gives the impression that Brendan, like his anime/game father, **that he is a down-to-earth type guy**.

During May's first game conversation with Brendan, which is rather brief, he says 'Oh? You're the gym leader's kid? I thought you'd be a guy.'—(Note: not exact wording, but very close to it.) Therefore, **he might be a little sexist**, and he kind of reveals this again in another meeting. However, kids at Brendan's age (of 10) are generally all a little sexist, so this doesn't matter all that much.

After you beat him all five times, Brendan acts more than a little bit surprised, perhaps because he thought he could win, considering his extensive history as a Pokemon Trainer and everything. Therefore, it can be derived that **Brendan is relatively confident, Pokemon-wise.** He also **cannot really take a loss**, as Scott from Emerald so kindly illustrates after you defeat him on the road to Fortree: 'I just passed a kid riding on a bike, and he was all red-faced…'—(again, not word-for-word, but close enough). Now of course, we don't like losing, but in Brendan's case he really really really doesn't like losing. In fact, on basically all the times you defeat him, he says something quickly and then flees on his bike.

**He is also quite caring despite what he might say **and always lending a hand here and there—he gives Game-May background information, gives her the Itemfinder, supplies her with Go-Goggles (and then remarks how she's weak in comparison to her father (and how that's actually true :/) and how he's going to challenge the Petalburg Gym), hands over HM Fly to her, Calls her after seeing Rayquaza flying in the sky—(His words: 'I wish you were there, NAME.', a subtle Hoennshipping hint but I digress), and he offers advice on beating the Champion (Steven or Wallace).

That sums up Game Brendan.

**PART THREE. BRENDAN IN THE POKEMON SPECIAL MANGA.**

The Manga Universe runs parallel to the Anime and Game ones, and thus not many people choose to base their Brendan characters off of Ruby, (incidentally Norman's son, and May/Sapphire is Birch's kid) since they choose to reside in the Anime Universe.

But anyways. **Ruby/Brendan is a 'city slicker'**—(quite the opposite of down-to-earth Brendan) coming from Johto, which is often referred to as a more technology oriented region in comparison to Kanto and Hoenn, and he once says in the Manga that after he beats all the five Master Rank Contests (yes, Ruby/Brendan in the Pokemon Special Manga is a Coordinator, and a good one at that, having 'lost' only once in his Contest-going career) he wants to go back to Johto, since Hoenn is too much of a 'countryside' region—but he probably doesn't, considering how he loves May/Sapphire and everything.

It is also worth a note that **Frantic/Hoennshipping, in the Pokemon Special Manga, is canon**.

**Ruby/Brendan also sews, designs his own clothes and also Sapphire/May's** (since Sapphire is a down-to-earth type person and likes battling, quite the opposite of Anime May) outfit, all three times.

_**At first,**_** he is incredibly vain** and judges almost solely based on appearance, leading to an initial somewhat lackadaisical relationship with Sapphire/May—who dressed in leaves before Ruby designed her outfit after she saved his neck and vice versa—although when he was younger he was the opposite of what he is now. As a result of his vanity, he rarely wears glasses even though he needs them and only wears it when he's sewing.

His vanity also results in him losing his Feebas (nicknamed Mimi) after Mimi disappointed him in a Super Ranked Beauty Contest, losing to Ruby/Brendan's mentor/master, Wallace and his Luvdisc, Brendan/Ruby gets frustrated and blames the loss on his Feebas—and calls Mimi ugly, or strongly implies that—when in fact it was also his own fault. He even whips out an encyclopedic entry picture of a Milotic and shouts at his Feebas that he should have just chosen a more Contest-worthy Pokemon like that. (and long story short: he was under pressure when he said those cruel words.)

However, after doing this Mimi becomes extremely upset and promptly flees from her Trainer, who immediately recognizes his mistake and begins calling after his Pokemon, trying himself to catch up with his Feebas despite Slateport's water-ridden state. After a building collapses down where Mimi was assumed to be (although later on it is revealed that the Feebas did not die and actually comes to Ruby/Brendan's rescue when he is dying, later timely evolving into a Milotic), Ruby/Brendan bursts into tears **and is no longer as vain.**

More on the vain part—after realizing that Mimi is not going to manifest herself to him, Ruby/Brendan joins forces with May/Sapphire to defeat Maxie and Archie, although they fail the first time round. Norman shows up with Rayquaza and scatters Groudon and Kyogre, although Maxie and Archie have not yet been subdued. Archie's Houndoom proceeds to burn Norman (presumably to the death) with a flame-attack of some sort, and in quick succession Maxie and Archie knock out Winona, Steven, and Wallace.

Just when Ruby/Brendan and Sapphire/May thought they were both doomed, Mimi comes to the rescue and begins wildly 'Flailing' at Maxie and Archie. The two Team Leaders begin to call Mimi the likes of 'ugly', and even go as far to imply that she does not deserve to live because she is hideous so.

Ruby/Brendan then picks up his battered and near-unconsciousness Feebas and then realized how cruel he had been to it, and then declares that _true beauty is not physical appearance, but purity of heart_ (or something like that.) He then lays down Mimi on a rock and begins weaving her Contest introduction, a short speech he gives to the audience before they begin appealing, and one that he wrote for his other Pokemon but not for his Feebas.

Before he manages to finish his speech though, Mimi evolves into Milotic and Ruby/Brendan is very stunned indeed.

Oh yes, and Ruby/Brendan wears makeup, but I assure you that he is not gay, even though he admits to himself that he is weird.

Okay, so now for Ruby/Brendan's Team Lineup (or Pokemon he definitely has/had):  
Swampert, male, Zuzu  
Milotic, female, Mimi  
Delcatty, female, Coco  
Mightyena, female, Nana  
Castform, female, Popo (note: used to be Devon's Chairman's Castform)  
Kirlia, female, Ruru  
Plusle, male  
Celebi, (released in last chapter).

So that sums up Brendan's Manga Personality.

**PART FOUR. BRENDAN BIRCH OVERALL.**

I now present three valid personality variants of Brendan Birch that have factual roots.

I. Confident Trainer Brendan.  
Confident, maybe slightly arrogant and conceited  
An above-average to excellent Pokemon Trainer  
Cannot take a loss  
Down-to-earth  
Caring despite fatigue of bravado

II. 'Ruby' Coordinator.  
City-slicker. Need I say anything else?  
Stylish and fashionable  
Somewhat vain  
Confident and maybe slightly arrogant and conceited  
Reflective of his Manga counterpart, Coordinator Brendan is still warm at heart

III. 'Mixed' Trainer/Coordinator Brendan.  
Confident, maybe slightly arrogant and conceited (gawd I repeat this so much)  
City-slicker OR down-to-earth  
Can't take a loss  
Somewhat vain  
Caring despite fatigue of bravado/warm at heart

Of course these are only rough guidelines and a byproduct of my boredom.. .

**CONCLUSION**

And thus, I conclude. Brendan Birch is not evil, nor was he ever intended to be by Nintendo. –waves- Where're the flamers, then?

**EXTRA CREDITS**

**Ano HiTO**, an anonymous reviewer, who pointed out some problems in the anime section regarding confusion and lack of one cameo. Hm, I've almost copied him/her word for word. :P Well I thank you in any case. :)

Hmmm… well that was all right,_ Brendan thought. Shutting down his computer after sending a thank-you note to Galbinus-Rayquaza, he headed towards his bed and fell asleep underneath the white blanket._


End file.
